Last Tuesday, I was sitting across from Sarah, a brilliant marketing executive who'd just landed her dream job in Santa Cruz. She had her laptop open to seventeen different tabs—Zillow, GreatSchools, cost-of-living calculators—and this look of pure overwhelm that I've seen dozens of times before.
"I thought moving here would be the hard part," she said, gesturing at her screen. "But now I'm supposed to decode an entire state's worth of life decisions in three weeks?"
And that's when it hit me: We've made relocation so much more complicated than it needs to be. Somewhere between the corporate handbook advice and the internet research rabbit holes, we've forgotten that moving across the country is really just... well, simply moving your life from one place to another.
But here's what I've learned after nine years of helping people make this leap: California doesn't want to be decoded. It wants to be discovered.
The Great Expectation Game
Picture this: You've spent months preparing for The Move. You've researched neighborhoods, calculated mortgage payments, maybe even done a few virtual house tours. You've got spreadsheets. You've got plans. You've got that excited-nervous energy that comes with big life changes.
And then you arrive and realize that no amount of Googling could have prepared you for the reality of standing in your first California grocery store, spending what feels like a small fortune on organic kale, wondering if this is just what life costs now.
I call it the "Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore" moment. And the fascinating part? It happens to everyone, regardless of where they're moving from or how much research they've done.
The question isn't whether you'll have this moment—it's what you'll do when it hits.
Some people panic. They start second-guessing everything, wondering if they've made a terrible mistake. Others get curious. They start asking different questions: What if this adjustment period is actually part of the adventure? What if feeling temporarily off-balance is just the price of admission to something better?
The Investment in Becoming
We talk about real estate as an investment, but we rarely talk about relocation as an investment in becoming the person you want to be.
Think about it. You didn't just move for a job or better weather (though those are nice bonuses). You moved because something about California represented a version of yourself you wanted to explore. Maybe it was the person who hikes on weekends, or starts their own business, or finally learns to surf at 45.
The house you choose becomes the backdrop for that transformation.
I had a client last year, an engineer from Texas, who kept looking for houses that felt "familiar." Safe. Similar to what he'd had before. And I found myself asking, "But is that who you came here to be?"
Six months later, he sent me a photo from his new deck, overlooking the redwoods, with a message that just said, "I get it now. I'm at peace."
The Paradox of Choice (Or: Why More Options Don't Make Better Decisions)
California real estate is a lot like dating in a big city. There are so many options that you start wondering if something better is always around the corner. Should you wait for the perfect property? What if you compromise and then see your dream house next week?
NO! The happiest relocators aren't the ones who found the "perfect" house. They're the ones who found the right house for who they're becoming.
There's a difference.
The perfect house checks every box on your spreadsheet. The right house feels like home in ways you didn't know to put on a list. It allows you to ebb and flow through this season of life the best. It supports your short & long term goals.
The Real Cost of Living (it's not just about Money)
Everyone talks about California being expensive, but what's the real cost of living here?
It's giving up the comfort of expertise. Back home, you knew which restaurants were worth the wait, which neighborhoods were up-and-coming, which mechanic wouldn't overcharge you. Here, you're a beginner again. Honestly this isn't just CA specific, but applies regardless where you are relocating to!
It's the energy it takes to rebuild your sense of belonging. The coffee shop where they know your order, the friend you can call when you need someone to walk your dog, the feeling of being rooted somewhere.
But here's the thing... Sometimes what feels expensive upfront pays dividends later.
That awkward phase of not knowing anyone? It forces you to be more intentional about the relationships you build. Those higher prices? They often reflect a quality of life that you start to value differently once you experience it.
Questions I Never Expected to Ask
After helping dozens of families relocate, I've started noticing the questions that surprise people:
"How do I make friends as an adult?" (Answer: Very intentionally, and with more patience than you'd expect.)
"Why does everyone seem so healthy here?" (Answer: When outdoor activities are accessible year-round, movement becomes less like exercise and more like living.)
"Is it normal to feel guilty about loving it here?" (Answer: Yes, and it usually means you're ready to stop being a visitor and start being a resident.)
"How long before this feels like home?" (Answer: The moment you stop asking that question.)
Plot Twist
The biggest challenge isn't the high cost of living or the competitive housing market.
It's giving yourself permission to want what you want.
Maybe you want a house with a view, even though it seems indulgent. Maybe you want to live closer to the beach, even though it means a longer commute. Maybe you want to try something completely different from what made sense in your previous life.
California has a way of making you confront the difference between what you think you should want and what you actually want. And that can be terrifying and liberating in equal measure.
The Real Questions
So instead of asking, "Can I afford to live here?" maybe the question is: "Can I afford not to become the person this place might help me become?"
Instead of "What if I'm making a mistake?" try "What if this is exactly what I need right now?"
Instead of "How do I decode California?" maybe it's "How do I let California decode me?"
The Beginning, Not the End
Moving to California isn't really about finding the right house in the right neighborhood with the right schools and the right commute time.
It's about trusting yourself enough to build a life that feels true to who you're becoming, not just who you've been.
And that? That starts with one conversation, one decision, one "what if" at a time.
I couldn't help but wonder... what would happen if we approached our biggest life changes not as problems to solve, but as stories waiting to unfold?
Ready to start writing your California story? Let's explore what's possible when you have someone in your corner who understands both the practical details and the beautiful complexity of starting over somewhere new.
Bailey Copley has spent nine years helping people write their next chapters in Santa Cruz County. She believes that finding the right home is less about perfect spreadsheets and more about trusting your instincts—with the right guidance to back them up.
